My Nan

My Nan passed away this weekend. It has been some time coming and she lingered over it in the past week, but she is resting now.

My Nan and I have not always had the best relationship, there were a few years in the middle of my life when I actively avoided her. Prior to that I loved her wholeheartedly. After that I loved her wholeheartedly. I'd say that's a good balance over a lifetime.

I have such strong memories of my Nan, my Dad's mum. Of her singing Eartha Kitt's "These Boots were Made for walking" as we lay in bed one morning. Of going with her to the fancy stores at Christmas to buy a new outfit. Waiting outside a pub with her and Grandad to go and see Campbell's Country play. I remember trying to push her up a hill in her wheelchair when we were on holiday in Southhampton. It didn't work and two nice men with pints helped me. I remember being so proud that she owned her own business, I didn't know anyone who did that, and I loved walking into the place, I was "Barbara's Granddaughter" and that carried a lot of Cache.

When I left college and was unsure of what to do, she got me a job, at a Casino. I loved the few months I spent there. And again, being Barbara's Granddaughter carried  a lot of weight.


I was her only grandchild and was keenly aware of it. I would fiercely defend her, and fiercely love her. No one messed with my Nan! I guess there was some weight to being Sarah's Nan too.


She wanted a Great Granddaughter and I kept giving her boys, who she loved to pieces. She looked after all of us. Paying for flights so that we could come and visit. Paying for groceries when she knew we were running low. By the time I was pregnant with my first child in 2009, she had knitted two suitcases full of baby clothes in a rainbow of colors. I still have enough to get both boys through Kindergarten. Every time I knit I think of my Nan, what she taught me, and couldn't teach me.

We went to visit her in November, a last minute trip because she was adamant that she wouldn't make it to our big trip in August 2013. I'm so glad we got to go. She was able to see my youngest for a second time. Cuddle him from her hospital bed. She was able to see the spitfire that is Toby as he ran to and from her bed, between the bribe we offered and the board games in the waiting area. She never got her great granddaughter, but she knitted many things for my friends who had girls.


I will miss my Nan. There are so many things I do that make me think of her. I'm glad I have so many wonderful memories that I can carry with me.


The Marigolds in her garden. The Emerald earrings she bought me, clip on, so I could be fancy at a cousin's wedding. Running around her fancy dress shop in just a slip and loving it. Cuddling with her on nights Grandad was working on the railway and I stayed with just her. Watching her put clothes through the mangler in the kitchen.


Barbara Ann Bennett - you lit up my world.

Projects that can wait

This year I decided to make Christmas presents for the boys. Knowing both of their favorite toys and behavior patterns, I came up with two pretty wonderful ideas. Sadly they did not get made in time for Christmas, luckily the boys are still of an age to not really notice!

This post isn't to show you the finished products of either boys present. I haven't been that organised!

For Toby I settled on a crochet project. For a while now he has been lamenting that he isn't allowed to take his toys to bed, especially his little rocket ships, though this week it's his Bat Car. I have found and even made some lovely crocheted rocket ships over the years, but now that he is getting older it seemed time for something more realistic. For the first time in my life I purchased patterns on Etsy:

I have the patterns and the yarn and I know that he will love them, even if they aren't ready till we go camping in July!! I'm about two inches into the first one. The patterns are wonderful. Based on actual crafts, done to scale. You should buy them, they are wonderful!

Charlie is getting my first ever attempt at a Patchwork Quilt. It's not too precise, and it doesn't involve fancy fabric. He is big into textures, he touches everything, pulls at everything, scratches everything. So I took some fabric scraps that I had, corduroy, denim and the like, then I took some of his old clothes with pockets, buttons and interesting fabrics. I cut squares of roughly the same size and am busy arranging them and stitching them together. The backing will be one of his lesser used blankets, also with a good texture.

I feel no guilt that they weren't ready, just excitement at the joy I know awaits me in their little faces.

I have little boys

Yesterday I had a moment with Toby. A moment that I have had quite often over the past year. A moment in which I realise that I am the mother of boys. Two little boys. Two little boys that will grow up to be teenage boys.

I put him in his PJs and he stood there for a few minutes just scratching himself like a ball player in the dugout. 

I asked him if he was okay, and he hum hummed. So I asked him to stop scratching his penis. He stopped, looked at me, and said "I'm not scratching, I'm making it big."

This is a whole world that I know nothing about.

Oh Lord! I am the mother of boys!

The Better Part

“You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed."

Well I haven't posted here in a month. I don't feel like I've done much of anything since Christmas.

Mount Laundry shrinks a little and grows a little each day, as does Mount Dishes, Mount Goodwill and Mount Outgrown Clothes.

I love to craft. I have done several things since Christmas, and have done many of them with the involvement of Toby. His curious fingers have gotten a tad close to the sewing machine at times, but never too close. It has been pretty wonderful. I am slowly learning to not let the things I enjoy overwhelm me. To enjoy the pile of books yet to read as something that will bring me joy. To enjoy the un-sewn fabric, knowing what will come. To revel in a bag of yarn with so much potential, knowing I don't need a trip to the store to start something new. I am slowly learning to let go of the expectations I place on myself.

I am slowly regaining my faith, my faith that faltered, my faith that I let slip slowly away. I regain my confidence in the Lord daily. I regain confidence in myself as I do so. I regain my trust in the Lord daily and as I do so, I learn more about this woman that I am, this mother, this wife, this writer, this daughter. I regain my love of the Lord daily, and with each new moment of his love, I feel my love for my children, my husband more keenly and become more aware of what that love means. I regain my desire for his word daily, and the more I delve into the writings of the past, the more I long for it.

My life is a work in progress and I am choosing the better part.